Thursday, December 08, 2005

here and there

Eleven o’ clock again.

Shut up…Let me sleep.

You should get used to this if you plan to hang around.

Leave me alone. Who says I want to stay anyway?

Alone is exactly how you will end up, weighing 250 pounds addicted to Starbucks coffee and peanut butter.

When I finish school I will start living a normal life. My habits will change dramatically…for the better.

Do you mean that you will start drinking sodas with your breakfast, buy CDs with nature sounds on because you can only hear sirens through these double glazed windows and then decorate your house with plastic plants that survive by themselves?

I will find a place with space to plant a real garden, care for a cat or two, and move around a lot outside. Working with the garage door open, I will hear the squirrels fidgeting in the trees and smell my personal piece of cut lawn. Why do I bother justifying your ethnocentric arrogance with an answer anyway? Get out of here. I must sleep.

You wish you could remember the smell of the lawn in your parents' backyard after the rain. I know…I see your mind trying to feel the hot sun against your face. This place has sucked you in, don’t you see? You have accepted the fact that you hear your neighbors flush their toilets, that the anti-burglar lights burn so bright all night that you have never had a single night’s sleep without dreaming since you arrived. No wonder you need to take drugs to get some sleep here.

Oh yes, I should take some Melatonin and remember to put the pillow over my head. I might as well get up and fill my glass with water again. Staying hydrated with the heater on all the time makes for a busy night.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life over-exerting your kidneys in this insane climate? Back home you at least knew what to expect; one season at a time. You could get through a blistering summer day, easily braving a hundred degrees without any air-conditioning.

I do hate how the freezing wind stings my nose and eyes…I think it shrunk my skull last Sunday. I had a headache all day after going out to the store for some milk, coffee and―

You see! I told you…becoming an addict already. Next you will start cooking for guests from boxes and put chocolate chips in everything. Have you read the content of their so-called low fat creamer? Liquid sugar, I tell you.

I use half and half with real sugar in my coffee by the way. Why do I bother to explain myself to you. Lord? Hallo Lord? Please make this stop!

What about all those hungry people living on the streets without any food to eat while you stuff perfectly edible left-overs down the garbage disposal?

Shut up, I want to speak to God now…Yes, Lord. Hallo?…Can you help me get away from here…would you please show me the beach in Stilbaai again…I want to feel the boat going over the swells toward the ocean…rocking me to sleep.

1 comment:

Jacob Glidewell said...

This is perhaps my favorite thing that you've written thus far. I argue with myself like this constantly...well, maybe not constantly...or maybe yes. No. Yes! NO! YES! NO!! AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!